Monday, May 5, 2008
Saturday was Hotchkiss' dorm "luau" at Dockwiler beach, snuggled between LAX and the pacific ocean. About fifty people showed up, and i brought Joey Veloz, a friend from Ibex, as a special guest. We played games, had a sand-hotchkiss building competition, and wrapped up the night with a great bon-fire, complete with spirit filled worship by guitar completed by s'mores. About halfway through the evening, while i was busy building Hotchkiss' stairways out of wet California sand, Betsy Revely started screaming that the police were towing cars up by the road. dashing to my back pack, i grabbed my keys and my wallet and ran across the beach, and up the cliff twords the tow-trucks. during my climb up the hill, i was shocked to see three tow-trucks seize well-parked private property. Upon jumping in my car, and turning the key of my '96 Ford Taurus, i read the radio clock at 6:03 PM. apparently the cops had a different interpretation of the parking sign than most of the people parked by the road, as the sign read "NO PARKING 10 PM TO 6 AM". whatever the cause for the car impounding, i'm glad mine wasn't towed. Praise the Lord.
Monday, January 7, 2008
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies
- Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Staple pages in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
- TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
thanks to: http://artlung.com/smorgasborg/how_to_tick_people_off.shtml