Monday, May 5, 2008

Beach and Tow Trucks

Saturday was Hotchkiss' dorm "luau" at Dockwiler beach, snuggled between LAX and the pacific ocean. About fifty people showed up, and i brought Joey Veloz, a friend from Ibex, as a special guest. We played games, had a sand-hotchkiss building competition, and wrapped up the night with a great bon-fire, complete with spirit filled worship by guitar completed by s'mores. About halfway through the evening, while i was busy building Hotchkiss' stairways out of wet California sand, Betsy Revely started screaming that the police were towing cars up by the road. dashing to my back pack, i grabbed my keys and my wallet and ran across the beach, and up the cliff twords the tow-trucks. during my climb up the hill, i was shocked to see three tow-trucks seize well-parked private property. Upon jumping in my car, and turning the key of my '96 Ford Taurus, i read the radio clock at 6:03 PM. apparently the cops had a different interpretation of the parking sign than most of the people parked by the road, as the sign read "NO PARKING 10 PM TO 6 AM". whatever the cause for the car impounding, i'm glad mine wasn't towed. Praise the Lord.

Monday, January 7, 2008


  1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies
  2. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
  3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  4. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
  7. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  8. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
  9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  10. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
  12. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
  15. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
  16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
  17. Honk and wave to strangers.
  18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
  20. type only in lowercase.
  21. dont use any punctuation either
  22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    "Never mind, it's gone now."
  24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  25. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
  26. Ask people what gender they are.
  27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  28. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  29. Sing along at the opera.
  30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
  31. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
If you don't laugh at 28, you lost your funny bone. Go find it.

thanks to: